The Golden Rule

In my book "Bread & Joy," the main character Frank, during a turbulent time of his life, receives the mentoring of his grandfather Benedict, a wise and spiritualist old man. Benedict shares with Frank his wisdom, materialized in some good advice and lessons that his grandson, however, will only assimilate over time. 

Given the depth of such wisdom, every now and then I will make use of this rich material for some of our reflections. As a first effort in this direction, I chose one of the many affirmations that are part of a list made by Benedict for Frank to read daily, in the pursuit of his personal development.

The affirmation chosen goes as follows: 

“I will use every opportunity that life gives me to help others.

I will treat others as I would like to be treated, even when I am not.” 

Now, let's think about this challenging advice from Benedict more attentively.

In our daily lives we frequently have opportunities to help our so-called “neighbors. But then I ask, who are exactly these "neighbors"? Sometimes I have the feeling that, since such expression is sort of vague, it ends up giving us space to define it in a somewhat flexible and self-centered way, and at certain times we end up carrying out good deeds in unconsciously selective and even opportunistic manners. We help our bosses, the best friend, the favorite street neighbor, or a person we want to attract to our lives, whatever the reason for our interest. And there's nothing wrong with helping such people when the opportunity presents itself. However, if we think about it, it is inevitable to admit that our neighbor is also that employee who reports to us and who is not performing well; that missing friend who is not going through a good moment; that street neighbor who doesn’t bother greeting us. But more importantly, the neighbor is also that person unknown to us, who asks for help on the street; that mother who seeks medical care for her child without having the resources to pay for the service; the homeless person who asks for food; the junkie who seeks for an antidote to his addiction. And even more seriously, the neighbor is also he/she who lives in sin; he/she who has another skin color or creed; he/she who lives by an alternative sexual orientation.

More often than not, we are challenged to exercise fraternal love with all this diversity of "neighbors". What choices are we making in these moments? What selective processes, sometimes unconscious, are we using to guide our good deeds? These questions alone would already require us to review some of our behaviors.

But Benedict doesn't stop there. He goes on to evoke the famous "golden rule", present in many religions, asking Frank to treat others as he would like to be treated. In my modest opinion, nothing portrays better the commandment to love others as yourself, than this simple but difficult to apply rule.

Imagine for a moment that in every interaction we had with the many diverse "neighbors", we would ask ourselves the simplest and most objective question: If this was done to me, how would I feel?

  Exemplifying it in practical terms; before honking and cursing at someone in traffic, let's ask ourselves such question. Let us also do so before treating a humble person arrogantly. Let us ask such question before making a harmful comment about a person who is not present; let us also ask before resending that text message that denigrates someone's image and we don't even know if it's true. Before treating the spouse in a non-loving manner, let us ask it once again. Before we make someone of a different opinion look like a fool, let's ask ourselves again. Before we treat people of other races, religions, and sexual orientations with prejudice, let’s once again ask. Before we exploit an employee without providing him/her with fair compensation, let's ask.

 I am sure that our actions would be somewhat different, after all, it will be like turning on a light bulb in our consciousness. But I'm about to invite you to go one step further. Let us also ask ourselves how we would like to be treated in these same situations, and let’s try to apply the response. At this moment we will begin to envision the path to fraternal love. And if we can put forth the actions suggested by the answers we get, we will be then, finally exercising it.   

But Benedict doesn't give us time to breath and goes even further. He recommends us to perform such actions of fraternal love, even if not reciprocated, even if others don't treat us so kindly. After all, my friends, doing good deeds based on love is not a trade. It's not about "you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours". It's about doing good deeds no matter to whom it is done, and without conditions.

One day when we get to this level, we will be finally exercising love in its full meaning. Challenging? For sure. Nobody ever said it would be easy. But this is the way, perhaps the only way, to permanently change our tangible world (to better understand what I call changing the tangible world, read "Making the Difference" from my book "Flowers on the Balcony"). 

Let us then begin to apply the golden rule by cultivating the healthy habit of asking ourselves: how would I like to be treated in this situation if I were in the place of this "neighbor". 

 Ready to try?