New Year’s Res(v)olutions
And here we go again, kicking off another cycle of our lives. Every 365 days, we go through this renewing ritual of changing the calendar and, with this simple gesture, we also seek to change a lot of other things. "New year, new life" says the old saying! But between you and me, if the saying is old, it's because it carries some wisdom.
The coming of new year brings along introspection, revisions of life, of directions, of postures, of successes and failures. Those who chose to not cultivate this important habit and simply go through the transition of December 31 into January 1 as any other night, may be missing a great opportunity.
On the other hand, it is not difficult to understand the possible frustration of those who have gone through various rituals like this, producing elaborated lists of new year's resolutions, which often include intentions such as, stop drinking, losing 10 kilos, going to the gym 5 times a week, only to see them fall apart and not survive Valentine’s Day. After years of such frustrations, many people give up, and stop going through this relevant "skin change", which often renews our breath and, most importantly, our hopes.
But why does that happen? Why is it that our intentions for change, often do not survive February? What if we start by differentiating intention from resolution.
The definition of intention says: "What a person expects to happen; what is intended to be done." While the resolution definition says: "Decision made after much thinking; solution through which an issue is solved, a case, a situation". Can you tell the difference? Behind an intention, there is someone waiting for something to happen, while behind a resolution, it is imperative to exist someone resolute (determined in their goals, in their purposes; decided).
So by definition, whoever takes a resolution has to do something different, besides just having good intention. It demands a willpower and special discipline, a determination that goes beyond pretending not to see that beer that's been in the fridge since New Year's Eve, or hoping you won't be invited to a kid's birthday party, full of candy for the next 12 months. The one who has only the intention will end up drinking that beer on the first hot day, and will be filled with frustrations, waiting another twelve months to renew his vows. The resolute will throw the beer down the drain, and will not buy any more, because there is a decision involved.
Another important issue to consider is the type of changes or goals that will serve as content for our resolutions. If we focus on purely external goals, such as getting a promotion, graduating on some discipline, putting together a financial sum, buying a new car, we will be investing our time and energy in goals that bring two (at least) intrinsic problems. First, these are goals that we do not control all variables of, and even if we put all our efforts on it, more often than not, factors out of our reach will limit our results. Second and most importantly, these external goals do not transform us from the inside out. They are mostly illusions, which lead us to believe that if we reach it, we will finally be happy. But when we get there, we'll have another promotion to pursue, another certification to go after, more money to earn, an even more modern car to buy, and we will find ourselves frustrated, anxious and distressed, chasing moving targets that function as baits, that drag us further and further away from what really matters. Or even serve as distractions that we create and feed, so we avoid facing our real problems, thus moving away from the essentially transformative goals and objectives.
And what goals would those be? Obviously, this answer will be somewhat different from person to person, but the suggestion is that we reflect more deeply on who we really want to be as individuals. Who's the person I want to be? Healthier? More spiritualized and closer to God? A better presence to my loved ones? More loving and charitable with my neighbor? More tolerant? More cultured or well-informed? This answer will vary according to individual needs.
I take this opportunity to give you a hint that can actually be very revealing. Dress up in humility and ask the people you love (spouse, children, parents, best friends) what you could do to improve in each respective relationship. Be ready for some powerful feedback. True gold nuggets, if we know how to use them to our advantage, on our paths to improve as individuals.
Once we identify the changes we want to operate, we can then define objectives that are more aligned with the transformation we seek and, with this, have a greater sense of purpose. Once the objectives are defined, the idea is to write them on a sheet of paper or an Excel file and position them in a place in the bedroom, or computer, where we are forced to see and read them every day. We must renew our resolve to meet our goals on a daily basis. New habits take 21 to 30 days to form, so let us be patient. Periodically, let's assess how we are performing, and the progress made.
Too much work? Well, that is what separates a person with an intent from a resolute one. The latter is willing to do the necessary work to achieve the result, the other expects the result to happen.
It is also very important not to be discouraged by minor failures, as they will occur, and should be seen as part of the process. What matters is persevering and pursuing a long-term change. Even if progress is modest, it is progress, and by the end of the year we will be better people.
And finally, if we do this year after year, we will be able to revolutionize ourselves by turning our resolutions into personal revolutions. It takes time, but only the changes that are conquered through the days, weeks and months of hard work are the ones that really come to stay.
So, who are we going to be in this year that just begins? Just intentional, or resolute? Ready to revolutionize yourself?
